and honor....

Had clinicals at the hospital ED today. For most of the morning it was boring. Me and 2 other students just sitting around. Not even a drunk to harass. After lunch it picked up some. Then this elderly gentleman came in with a chief complaint of being light-headed. His pressure was something like 70/40. Only other complaint was slight belly pain an hour or so prior. We got 2 lines going and put about 2 liters of fluid before his pressure finally came up. No other symptoms until he got ready to be shipped to the big hospital down the road. When the crew got there to transport he started talking about a little bit of shoulder pain. But you could see in his face that he was hurting more than he was letting on. He seemed to be the kind of guy that never goes to the hospital and never really complains no matter how bad it hurts. He was being transported for a major AAA. It started at the arch and went all the way to the illiac crest. The doc told him that they were sending him down to talk to a vascular surgeon. The patient promptly told the doc that he wasn't going anywhere except home, he had "chores to do". Then the doc started pulling out the "big" words to explain to the patient how bad it was. Well, as you could guess, neither the patient nor his family had any clue what he was talking about. Eventually my preceptor, a medic, explained to him what was going on. Then the doc looked at the patient and told him that at his age, he had an almost zero chance to survive. Well, he took it better than I would have, but you could see the fear in his family's eyes. I didn't know what to say. A few minutes later the crew that was transporting him asked me if I would ride in with them, in case something happened on the way. It was a pretty eventful ride. We talked about his family and his grandchildren and him being in the war and his farm and his wife, how they met 50 years ago and how he still loved her. Never once did he say anything about the reason we were having this conversation, or why we ever met at all. Never once did we talk about the fact that he was going to die. But then again, I guess we did. In talking about his family and his life, maybe he was trying to come to terms with it. On one hand, I wish I never met him. I wish we never had that conversation. On the other, I'm glad. He may never see the outside of that hospital again. I'm glad that I was there to hear what he had to say. To be a witness to the testimony of his rich and full life, however brief our talk was. I can only hope that when my end comes, I can take it like he did....like a man......with dignity and honor....