Monday, April 9, 2007


Just got home from 48 hours straight. 24 at my regular gig, another 24 at my part-time one. We didn't do a whole lot at either place. A few transfers, a couple of nausea/vomiting and one drunk.

The call came out as a 10-73, (our radio code for a person in need of psychiatric help). We staged with the rescue squad at the top of the street while the local cops went in to see if there was any danger. We got cleared and went on in. As we entered the house, a run-down two story with fading paint and creaky steps, we could smell the beer that she had apparently been drinking all day. The patient was a middle-aged woman that was arguing with the cops that she wasn't going anywhere. Then she sees us and jumps up and runs behind the couch. We stop mid-stride, wondering what to do next, the cops are looking bewildered. One of them slowly walks around the couch and asks her if she's OK. I hear some whispering and then the cop turns to look at us and starts snickering that slowly changes to guffaws. Wondering what in the hell is going on, I walk over and look behind the couch. She sees me and starts screaming, startled I jump back. The cop is trying to tell me something, but unable to because he is still snorting through his moustache. I stand there, waiting for him to let me in on the joke. He finally drys up and motions for me to walk back to where my partner and the 3 squad members are standing. He then tells us that we are scaring her. I return with a "no shit". He starts snickering again then motions to our heads. We are all wearing black toboggans, pulled low over our ears to keep out the cold night air. "She thinks you guys are all ninjas and here to get her!" We all bust out laughing. I take off my head-gear and walk over to the couch. I stand back and start talking to her, letting her know that we are EMT's here to help her. That we were definitely not ninjas. After a few minutes, she peeks around the side of the couch and asks me if I am sure. I tell her yes, I am sure. She slowly comes out from behind the couch and looks around at us. Everyone had taken off their toboggans and I guess she didn't see the threat that her alcohol-fogged eyes had shown her. So she sat down and started drinking again, which of course was the only logical thing to do. She then starts to flirt with us. Telling us that we were all very cute and why didn't we all sit down and have a beer. Eventually we decide that she is just drunk, not a threat to herself or anyone else and try to obtain a refusal. My partner is explaining the form to her and she is listening intently. When he gets to the part about "if you will just sign right here, we will get out of your hair ma'am," she says "one one condition." Intrigued, said partner asks what that condition is. The patient states with a straight face that she wants all of us, 2 EMS, 1 cop and 3 squad members, to line up and turn around so she can take a gander at all of our hind-parts. At that point I lost what little composure I had left and almost fell to the floor laughing. My partner, between bouts of laughter himself tells her that isn't going to happen and just sign the paper. As predicted, she continues to refuse to sign until we all show her our bums. Well, to make a long story shorter, we all took a backwards bow as we made our exit. My partner had to stay behind, no pun intended, to get the paperwork signed. He eventually made his bow as well to the tune of whistles and cheers from the lady of the house. That was yesterday, the story has already gotten around. This morning on the way home I stopped by a gas station that is owned by one of the squad members, one that wasn't on the scene. Behind the counter was the wife of said squad member. As she rang me up she asked me how the ninja training was going. "Fine, just fine," I said as I walked out.


Ambulance Driver said...

Hey BRM, nice aaaasssss. Gee, you must work out. ;)

Good story!

Anonymous said...

Good story, but word of advice: paragraphs!!

Its easier on the eyes ;)